A Demonstration of How I Write Poetry

Hello, I’ve returned.

Remember last Monday when I talked about how I write poetry?  It’s okay if you don’t–a week is a long time.

Here’s the post if you want to reference it:

A Writer’s Take on How to Write Poetry

(I’m not a technology wizard–far from it, and I just now figured out how to do that.  The link I mean.  I’m very proud.)

Anyways, after consuming that content with your eyes, I invite you to consume this content with your eyes.

I wrote the same poem in several different ways … it was fine the first few times, then it started to drag a little … regardless, I persisted to show how different methods effect the same content.

I guess I’m some sort of poetry scientist now.

(Is that a thing?)

 

The original poem was something that I scribbled down randomly in the middle of the night once as a continuation of a line that randomly occurred to me.  I don’t remember writing it, but the original hadn’t been worked over at all. I posted it once, on a Poetry Thursday, but I don’t remember which one.

(I promise my memory is fine.)

And now that this one is ingrained into my eyelids … here you go.  All my hard work presented to you for free.

 

Original:

Silence—The New Way to Listen

There’s nothing here
For ears to hear
But ears still perk up,
Looking for any trace of sound.
People are set on edge
Waiting for any feedback,
But there is only silence.
No sound can exist here
When you want to listen
To something that doesn’t exist

 

Written from memory:

A New Way to Listen

There’s nothing here for ears to hear
when the silence stifles and pulls
like a shroud. A longing for sound
grows with silent seconds, collecting
spare traces of noise without an echo.
No, there’s nothing to hear here, yet strained
ears never stop trying to catch a glimpse
of something to hold onto in the drowning
silence.

 

Lines added between the lines:

New way to listen

There’s nothing here,
no sound or trace
for ears to hear.
Strained silence,
but ears still perk up
on high alert,
looking for any trace of sound,
potential sources for relief from silence.
People are set on edge,
longing for a break,
waiting for any feedback.
Sound is invited,
but there is only silence.
Silence—the new way to listen.
No sound can exist here
in echoless spaces,
when you want to listen
to something that doesn’t exist.

 

Reworded:

Awkward Silence

There’s nothing here for ears to hear, but ears
Still strain, looking for a trace of sound
in a maze of silence. People are on edge,
waiting for feedback, but only silence
can exist. No sound.
Keep listening for something that doesn’t exist.

 

Revision:

Awkward Silence

There’s nothing here for hears to hear, no sound
or trace. Yet ears still strain in search.
Silence stifles, pulls like a shroud,
setting people shuffling in seats, on edge.
Maze of silence—no relief, not even an echo.
No sound can exist here when you want to listen
to something that doesn’t exist.

 

Final:

Awkward Silence

There’s nothing here for ears to hear, no sound
or trace. Yet ears still strain in search of something
to mask that stifling silence that pulls.
Like a shroud. Longing for sound grows
with each second slipping by into the maze
of silence, setting people shuffling in their seats.
Silence—the new way to listen.
No sound can exist here in echoless spaces
when you want to listen
to something that doesn’t exist.

 

 

Alright, so going into the specifics of this might be a little redundant because of last week’s post, so I’ll just point out some obvious stuff.

First off, I took the liberty of changing the name of the poem as I kept rewriting it, just because I thought each one would be better than the last.  (Matter of opinion I suppose.)

Compared to the others, the original seems a little bland and forced to me.  Without the others in question, I think it is a relatively good poem, or at least a good starting point.

The poem from memory certainly seems more poetic because I already had in mind what I was going for, rather than jolting down lines that sounded nice.

The rendition where I added lines between the other lines was definitely forced.  This technique works better with looser starting points.

The reworded one had a better ring to it, I think, but overall, it was almost the exact same poem.

In the revision, I did my best to combine the other poems into one.  For the final version, I solidified that.

Since I overworked this poem, I can’t actually tell which version is the best.  It’s most likely more speculative than anything else.

I hope seeing this in action helped, or at least gives you a better idea of the directions each individual process will take you.

Thank you for reading! 🙂  Have a lovely day!

(Return on Thursday for more poetry!)

 

 

**PS. If you liked seeing all my revisions, let me know and I’ll do more things like this.  If you’d like to have a further in depth analysis of why I made the decisions I did and why I kept or cut things, also let me know that too.

Okay, thank you.

 

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