Yesterday was my blog’s birthday! elizabethgrey.org is now one year old!
My baby is growing up so fast.
(It was also my birthday yesterday … I spent the whole day sick, in bed, with allergies or the common cold. It’s kind of hard to tell sometimes.)
I’ve learned a lot in this year of blogging. I’m no where close to the same person that I was at the beginning of this. And while my character development may have been sparked by things other than simply this blog, that does not diminish the effect that writing twice a week (at minimum) has had on me.
Though my first novel didn’t work out when I tried to publish it, I gained support for my writing though this blog.
I developed a soft spot for poetry, and even began experimenting with traditional formulas, standards, and boundaries associated with poetry.
Mostly, I’ve gained strength. I’ve been through various cycles hell through the hero’s journey, and this has changed my awareness. I’d like to say that in this past year of blogging and living I have become aware of the limits of myself and my writing, and expanded them past where I thought I would ever need to.
Maybe it was college. Maybe it was everything that I went though with my cousin.
I’d like to think that it was the death grip I had on my passion for writing through all of the stress and turmoil.
I could totally make some crazy analogy about being strengthened by walking through fire right here, but that seems a little cliche, even for a poet.
I am young. Well, my body is at least. (Nineteen if you were wondering.) But I have already aged far beyond that. I have realized recently that I don’t want to do anything else with my life other than what I love.
The thing that I love most is writing. Using my creativity and imagination, my life experience and talent, every day to guide others to the same creativity. To share my stories–both real and fictional. To be real not only to myself, but to the world. To work relentlessly to be the invisible voice that helps others through screens and printed pages.
That’s what I want. And this blog, my first big stepping stone, was the first move I decisively made to pursue this path for myself.
Life is so short. I’m young–everyday I’m aware of my age because I feel so much older than I am. I realized just how short life is–and precious–when I lost my little cousin. She was sixteen … she lived her whole life within the span of mine, touched the hearts of so many people, she loved and lived.
Any moment really could be the last. I know how cliche that sounds, and I’m sorry about that. But it doesn’t make it any less true.
So I’m going to get that English degree. I’m going to take as many literature classes as I can, and I will take every workshop class at my college. I’m going to get a B.A. in creative writing.
I’m going to pursue what I want, not as a dream, but as a goal.
And I want to thank all of you. My family, friends, and teachers, and the ones that found my blog floating out in cyber space by themselves and decided to stay. You’re all so important. Everyone is more important than they know.
People have influence. Individuals have even more. All of you, those that read this blog and continue to stick with me and encourage me, you have influenced me to believe not only in myself, but also in my ability. I have learned through this blog to trust others, strangers even, with my writing. My precious brain babies.
And really, I don’t think we’re strangers anymore. There are some that I’ve been friends with for years that have never seen any of my writing. Not because I didn’t try to show them, but because they were uninterested.
I needed this blog to help me along my path, to let me believe in myself. Between all the rejection letters for my novel and how I had to basically force my writing down the throats of loved ones, it was getting hard to consider myself a good writer.
Good is retaliative. It doesn’t matter if I am good.
I just want to be happy. This is what makes me happy.
So this is what I will do.
I know this post was long, and ramble-y. I’m glad you stuck through it, and I’m glad you’re still here. I’m glad we’re all still here, actually.
Thank you. For everything. ❤